BiniKedek cried herself to sleep

Last nite, at 0952pm, received sms from Ariana’s babysitter. She said that she dont think that she can take care of Ariana because she gonna be a full time mom already, sending her kids off to school every morning.. Before this, her brother-in-law was the one who do the send-&-pick-up the kids from school. But since that he is transferring to Miri, so she gonna have to do it all by herself..

and DANG… i was stunned.. i dont know where else to send Ariana.. i know a few place, but i dont know them.. I dont want to just simply send Ariana anywhere.. Im a mother now.. Just after Ariana was born, I somehow was given the instinct of motherhood.. I cant stand reading news about babbies thrown by un-responsible-stooopid-dumbass parents.. children beaten my ungrateful parents.. I just cant.. Somemore, my collegue sent me an email about immigrant maid who beat their employer’s kids & babbies.. what makes me more afraid is that, the baby in the short video looks exactly like baby Ariana.. huhuhu..

Some of my friends asked me to send Ariana to nusery.. thanx for the suggestion, but the thing is, me & hubby are working on shift.. be it day or night.. be it weekday, weekend or even holiday.. for 12 hours per day.. I dont think theres any nusery who could accept Ariana..

Im just kinda dissapointed because when I was still pregnant, I asked my collegue whether he knows any place that could take care of my baby after deliver.. So he suggested me his wife, which then became Ariana’s babysitter for these few weeks.. not even a month.. She even suggested me to buy extra baby stuffs like cradle etc for me to keep at their house so that I dont have to bring it to and fro everyday.. I withdraw my savings from Tabung Haji so that I can buy those stuffs(note : payday was few more weeks… terpaksa tebal muka withdraw duit jugak altho I had promised to my self to never withdraw the money)..

And the news about her brother-in-law transferring to Miri was already known since I came back from confinement.. (8Feb).. So for me, if she could tell me earlier, wouldnt be such a big problem to me.. She sms me at 0952pm telling me that she gonna be full time sending her kids to school.. and school gonna start in just 2 days..

For me, her reason doesnt sound really reasonable.. i thought that there must be real reason why she dont want to baby sit Ariana, which I dont know.. Maybe theres something wrong that I had done.. Maybe she heard rumours.. or maybe Ariana cried to often until she cant even get a rest.. It could be anything.. True that people never admit what wrong-doings that they had done, but I know that I never do anything wrong.. In fact, i was soo blessed that she willing to babysit Ariana when Im working.. I even angan-angan to bring good vege for her from Kundasang whenever I go back to KK..

I told Enchek Kedek that I will apologize to her on Ariana’s last day with her. Eventhough I did nothing wrong, but just to make things between us still as before, its better for me to be the one who start it.. she was nice to me.. and Ariana seems to like her very much.. like I said, Ariana smiled when she saw her babysitter, which is a good sign.. and this is suppose to be a compliment to her..

Just when I started to breath calmly, another problem occured again.. I cried my self to sleep but I know that when there is a will, there is a way..

Thank You so much to Efa for willing to babysit Ariana for awhile until mum-in-law back from KL next week.. Will start sending Ariana to Efa’s tomorrow night.. *Merasa lagi lah kitak ada anak dua..

Please dont think that Im a work-freak and dont want to take care of my daughter myself.. I still want to work.. I still want to give money to my parents altho they never asked me for it.. I still need to bayar jasa to my parents after bringing me to my current life now.. (*and please dont psycho me, asking me to quit my job <-meant for somebody) Maybe Allah tested me, so that I can be a strong mother to Ariana..

Aku sebuah blog

Kalau time sekolah dulu, cikgu selalu suruh buat karangan ‘Aku sepasang kasut’ atau pun ‘Aku sebuah basikal’..

Pada suatu hari, seorang lelaki bersama seorang budak perempuan yang kiut telah memasuki kedai tempat di mana aku telah di jual.. Budak perempuan kiut itu kemudian ternampak saya dan menarik tangan bapaknya (erm..macam Ica tarik tangan bapak..)……… Lalu saya pun di beli. Maka bermulalah kehidupan ku sebagai sepasang kasut. Aku berjanji akan berjasa untuk tuan aku, iaitu budak perempuan yang kiut itu..
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……………….akhirnya, saya pun di buang kerana budak perempuan yang kiut itu (sekarang tidak kiut) telah mendapat sepasang kasut yang baru.. Saya sangat sedih. Saya benci kasut baru itu kerana dia bermuka sombong… uweeekkk..

(100 patah perkataan)
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